Today was going really well. I went to school to get some paperwork done, visited my dad, went shopping. I was cleaning up my room (it is always dirty; this is a fact that I have long accepted) and I found old mementos.
Usually I just scatter things throughout my room and find them weeks/months/years later, but this was not something I wanted to find. Mementos from dead friendships is like a kick to the gut. Hey you used to be really close to these people but then you drifted apart because x reasons. It’s just horrible.
Okay, I get it. I understand that life is a long journey and you have many people walk through your life. Each person, no matter how long or short they are by your side, will leave an imprint on you. I understand that people will always be coming and going. I understand that people grow at different rates, some faster than others. Sometimes people grow up, grow out, grow in, and it’s all okay. And maybe we are all in the right mindset and the wrong place or the wrong mindset and right place, but our growths just didn’t line up. That’s fine. It’s cool. I get it.
However, what I don’t understand is how someone can come in on such light feet and then stomp their way out. How someone can come in so daintily, so quietly and burrow themselves in your heart, and then tear you apart as they bolt out. How someone can enter into your life and exponentially grow with you and then leave when you become too much to bear. What else is a friendship for? Aren’t friends those you lean on? Did I lean on you too much? Am I too heavy?
I understand that life can’t be easy. If life was easy, then why would we call it life? Where would we grow and learn and fall and get up and do all that great stuff to become the great people we are or will be? But sometimes life is very hard, very overwhelming. Maybe it’s the hormones speaking, or the melodramatic 2:24 AM thoughts, but sometimes (and only sometimes), do I wonder how we stumbled upon these incidents. I think it’s okay to wonder this. I think it is perfectly normal and fine to question the past as long as we remember: the future is waiting and we are in the present. Stick with me and don’t think too far into this whole time travel thing. These moments, as you read these lines, are the past. This moment as you read this line, is the present. The future is yet to come, so I can’t write a line about that. However, the future is what you take from this I guess. The future is what we can become. So you have to remember the good thoughts, remember the good ideas, remember the happy moments. Those are the only past moments and past thoughts worth dwelling the present on because they can change your future. Learn from the negative experiences and unfortunate events and they can propel you even further. They say that mistakes, accidents, and failures are just learning experiences you didn’t plan on.
p.s. Thank you Noah for helping me through tonight. As I get wrapped up in my head, I’m glad I have you to pull me out.