You’re probably procrastinating on something as you read this. This is okay. Only procrastinate to read my posts. This is acceptable. (It actually isn’t so you go do your thing, whatever it may be and my post will continue to sit here and wait. Okay? Okay.)
Currently it is 3am and I am scrambling to read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand for my first period AP Language and Composition class tomorrow. I didn’t even accidentally forget to read the book and I’m not making up any excuse, I actually put it off purposefully and knowingly.
You see, procrastination has now become a game in my head. How long can I put off reading this book? I actually went through the whole mathematical process of dividing seconds in an hour in correlation with how many words I read per page versus how many pages I can read in 6 minutes and the possibility of screw-ups to average in some skimming time/having to read it over again. This is what high school has done to me.
Every year, there’s always one teacher that asks my goals for the year. Of course my goals vary on the course, but somehow “procrastination” always squeezes its way into my #2 spot of resolutions for the year. It’s literally human nature to put things off because we’re lazy. That’s fine, lazy is okay. But realize you’ll get nothing accomplished being lazy. You know what’s really bad though? I have realized being lazy will accomplish absolutely zilch and IT BOTHERS ME NONE. How bad is this?!?! (I’ll answer: very.) I’m literally going to grow into the habit of procrastinating oh my damn funeral. I will be the only person to reach immortality and people will ask, How did you do it??? Oh that’s easy, I’m just too damn lazy to die.
The only good thing I can think of when it comes to procrastination though, is that it teaches you how to improv really well. I can pull essays out of my ass completely dusted in glitterified vocabulary like a roast smothered in butter by Paula Deen. It’s just something you learn to do after so many years! I can not even begin to think of how many essays I’ve pulled out of my ass since 5th grade. Every MCAS open response ever? Yeah, that came straight from the sewage pipe I’m sitting on. (MCAS is the Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System aka the easiest thing ever.) It’s absolutely horrible how classes these days have taught me to avoid crossing the finish line by cutting through the bushes than running the full path. But seriously in life, could this be helpful? I can’t remember which tech giant said it, but someone in the Silicon Valley said something along the lines of giving the hardest tasks to the laziest people because they’ll find the easiest solution. Can you praise the truth because I certainly can. Though going this route is much faster, it’s much more stressful. But hey, I chose this road as a procrastinator so I can’t complain too much can I.
Do any of you guys have any tips for procrastinating? Or do you procrastinate? If you say no to the latter question, you’re lying.ADMIT THE TRUUUUUUUUTH.
And now I’m off to bed to wake up at 5am and continue skimming this book. Expect a book review soon I think. Good night yall!
(If my english teacher ever reads this, I am so sorry Ms.M, I swear I’ll do well and persevere through the rest of the class though I promise. For now, I’m just a mess and yknow, a procrastinator. I’m working on it though, I promise.)
p.s. my teacher is going to think I’m a whacko. (She probably already does.)