Words Have Weight

They say, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. Correction: You will never see words hurt me, but words are more fatal than any actions.

I have been crying since 9:39pm. I cannot stop crying. Okay. It is 2 hours later. I have a somewhat clearer mind. Let’s discuss words and how heavy they can be. Okay it has been an hour since that last sentence. This is a weird topic to speak on. This is a weird thing to do. I don’t know if I can fully write on this. 

Words are heavy. Some are heavier than other, some are longer-lasting than other. Words are like knives to someone’s mentality, sanity, self-worth. How many words can you say and how many times can you say them before you degrade someone? A single sentence, a single word, a sound can open the gates to let in flooding thoughts, drowning out all happiness and positivity in a sea of death threats composed by your own mind. How can simple thoughts metastasize into such heavy emotions? How can simple comments, unhinge us to the point of suicide?

I think about this everyday. I think about this because I struggle with this. How can a single comment throughout the day, a small misunderstanding, a small side glimpse by a classmate, a single thought; how can this lead me through turmoil and sadness to thinking “This is too much. Death is a silence where I will escape.” I don’t know. I can’t tell you. I don’t know how these small details metastasize into such thoughts of suicide that my brain makes logic of irrationality.

However, I can tell you that words can dehumanize you. Words can take away self-worth. Words can take away self-confidence. Words can take away self identity. Words can hurt so much. Oh my god, words can hurt so very much. How can everyone feel low at some point in their life but still feel able to knock others down? Everyone gets sad, everyone gets unhinged; some more than others. But how can someone feel like they have the right to kick someone else down? How in the sane heck can you live with yourself, knowing your words have grafted onto someone’s mind. That your words have led someone to question their own identity, question their existence. How can you respect your friends, yet look down your nose at the kid that walked past you in the hallway? Shouldn’t you respect that kid even more? A fellow student that you know nothing about, that could be ticking suicide, that could be the next Steven Hawking, that could be the next damn Gandhi, and you’re going to judge him/her? What makes you think you have the right?

It is 12am. I have cried for 3 hours. I am not angry. I am not frustrated. I am confused. I am lost. I am despaired. These constant words I have heard, these simple opinions, these little rumors; I can not let them hurt me. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard that advice or advice along the lines of that, this past week. How can I not let them hurt me? 

I have let these word scar me. I have let these words get to me. I have tried to commit suicide more than enough times. I have tried to hurt myself. I have told my parents, my teachers, my friends, my doctors. I have sought help, yet I am scared. How can I ask for help if I will be judged for help? How can I chase after my dreams when I have been told they’re “unrealistic”? How can I have the audacity to continue to live and breathe when I so many have kicked me down? This is the world I have grown up in. This is the world we have contributed to. This is the world we need to change.

Be careful of what you say. You may be the undoing of someone or the reason they live another day. Be kind, be considerate, and be courteous. Hell, smile at strangers. It’ll make their day a million times better. 

-PN

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