I was so wrapped up in the new and shiny that I forgot to polish myself up too.
I forgot that I am not new and shiny, but I am not old and dull either.
I was so wrapped up in laughing that I forgot why I was laughing.
I forgot that laughter is light-hearted and is the soundtrack to happy memories, not awkward fillers of silence.
It’s like I’m in this cycle and I always end up here after something new and exciting. After every turnabout, I’m here, feeling kind of down, but realizing I have better things to worry about. It’s like I’ve been on this extreme high and feeling normal doesn’t cut it anymore. I feel like a drug addict craving more, and maybe I’m selfish and just need this one more time, but I just want to feel like my mind could explode from laughter and happiness again.
I’m very realistic in that sense. Whatever happens in the past is in the past, there is no reason to mope on it. However, with that being said, I am human, and do have to listen to my emotions and wonder “what could have been if I had done this or that“.
I think I would be here regardless. I wish I weren’t, but I am here and I have to hold my space after all. Finals week always has me in a rut. Reminiscing and wanting more but next semester will be new and good and all will be well soon.
I’m just glad to be going home soon, I miss my small-town feel and old friends. It will feel so great to have something familiar again. I can’t wait to see Philippa, Justine, and Emma. I can’t wait to walk back into the Y and find some family there again. It’s going to be great.
Oh Rollins, you are a strange place to be indeed, but I do love you so much.